The World of Computer Software/The World of Computer Software.iso/cfortune.zip/MAYYOU.SRC

Text File | 1989-05-25 | 7KB | 213 lines

May your daughters be like the flowers in the field -- wither away and
fade.
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May you daughters' beauty be admired by everyone in the circus.
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May your daughters grow up such gems, their presence in your house
illuminates your old age.
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May you have a dozen daughters, each uglier than sin, and not one penny
in dowry.
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May your daughters' hair grow thick, black, and abundant -- all over
their faces.
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May your daughters marry men of substance: gypsies with two bears.
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May your mouth never close and your arse never open.
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May you back into a pitchfork and grab a hot stove for support.
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May your clock run slow, your heart fast, your bile over, your wife
away, your nose always.
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May you become the greatest expert on drought, locust, pip, and anthrax.
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May the sun and the spring breeze warm and caress you like an apple as
you hang from a tree.
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May you be known for you hospitality to God's creatures: lice, rats,
bedbugs, fleas, worms, maggots.
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May you always have someone to share your bed and board: mice, lice,
rats, gnats, bedbugs, and fleas.
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May your children be so famous every policeman knows them.
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May you daughters marry men of substance: gypsies with two bears.
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May you be spared the indignities and infirmities of old age.
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May you never see an old-age home, God forbid.
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May the secondhand-clothes dealer marvel at the good condition of your
wardrobe.
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May you make a widow and orphans happy -- your own.
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May the angel of death skip your house altogether -- and send Satan
instead.
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May God answer all your prayers -- then mistake your worst enemy for
you.
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May you lose everthing, so that no enemy can cast an evil eye upon you.
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May you always have more than your enemies: a seven-year itch lasting
fourteen years, a twenty-four-hour catarrh lasting six weeks, a bigger
hernia, a fatter goiter.
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May you croak one day before your worst enemy.
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May your enemies get cramps in their legs when they dance on your grave.
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May you fool your enemies and beat them to Paradise.
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May you never develop stomach trouble from too rich a diet.
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May the egg you ate tonight rouse you bright and early tomorrow.
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May you and your wife share with each other like a horse and a sparrow.
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May you grow so rich you never have to eat, drink, piss, crap, wash, or
walk by youself, God forbid.
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May your fortune grow so, you can afford only the finest specialist.
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May you be rich enough to afford only the best: a diamond truss, jeweled
crutches, crystal eyes, and gold teeth.
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May gold, jewels, and silver never mean a thing to you.
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May you lose all your teeth -- but one should remain for a toothache.
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May you make a poor man richer: your doctor.
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May your son grow up to be a famous doctor, and may you be his only
case.
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May you have devoted children to chase the flies off your nose.
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May they name something new after you: a disease.
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May famous specialists come to you from all over the world, to learn
about sickness.
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May all your boils, sores, scabs, scurfs, and carbuncles be little ones.
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May all your pains be small enough so there's room for them all.
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May you never feel pain, itch, burn, heat, cold, sting, prick.
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May the wolves never eat you because you're so tough and stringy.
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May you be such a fast healer, new boils keep growing over you scabs.
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May they find thousands of new cures for you each year.
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May you never develop rheumatism, so you can scratch away till you're
ninety.
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May you never hear a word of gossip, slander, profanity, or blasphemy.
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May you never have to visit such a filthy place as the outhouse.
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May you learn to perform miracles: earn a living and marry off your
daughters.
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May you grow so rich your widow's second husband never has to worry
about a living, God forbid.
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May Rothschild make you his heir, then outlive you.
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May all your dreams come true, and may you have only nightmares.
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May you marry the best cook in the world and get ulcers.
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May you enjoy your wedding feast, then choke on the last bite.
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May misfortune never befall you, God forbid, except when you sneeze.
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May you have nightmares each night and may you awaken each time to find
yourself in another nightmare.
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May you learn the secret of life in every dream, then forget it each
time you awaken.
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May you be invited to a banquet by the governor-general and belch in his
face.
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May the angels that guard your bed take bribes from the devil.
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May you be twins, so that all your pains, troubles, and worries are
double.
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May God give you a long life of a hundred and twenty and not one day
without pain, sorrow, and suffering.
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I wish you everything you wish me, and everything you'll wish you wished
me after I've wished you everything I wish you.
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May you afford only the finest gruel.
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May you inherit a barrel of wine and a bladder without a hole.
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May you get the winning lottery ticket and a hole in your pocket.
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May your name be so famous that every bailiff, bill collector,
constable, and police inspector knows it.
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May you know enough about courts, judges, bailiffs, and bail bondsmen to
be a lawyer.
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May you live forever with a beautiful wife, a rose garden, and music,
and have the eyes, nose, and ears of a stone.
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May you be fruitful and multiply so that your generations are as
plentiful as the stars in the sky, and may you have to house, feed, and
clothe them all.
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May you be blessed with a wife so healthy and strong, she can pull the
plow when your horse drops dead.
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May you grow so healthy, husky, and fat the worms take eighteen years to
pick you clean.
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May your mother-in-law treat you like her own child and move in with
you.
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May you outlive everyone but your mother-in-law.
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May your possessions never tempt another to steal.
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May you be so endowed no one envies you.
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Since poverty is no disgrace, may you never know shame.
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May you never have healthy mice in the house.
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May your name be always associated with charity -- as you rot away in
the poorhouse.
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May you and your partner be as close as brothers -- Cain and Abel.
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May all your debtors pay off your partner in cash while you're out of
the city.
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May you have the nicest neighbors in all Siberia.
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May you be strong enough to endure prison without getting sick, God
forbid.
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May your sons turn out so smart they're promoted to corporal.
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May you get to see all Russia at the Tsar's expense.
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May you have eyes like a hawk and a spouse with warts.
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May your children grow tall, strong, straight, and hardy like the weeds
in the Garden of Eden.
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May you travel the world over just one step ahead of the police.
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